FLYING THE FREAKIN SKIES

I travel  frequently.  Since 9-11 it has become very difficult security wise and since the economy downturn the airlines are making every effort to drain you of your last dime and strip you of your last shred of dignity. 

I have learned most of the security rules and I no longer wear a pullover sweatshirt because of the time they made me take it off and my shirt underneath rode up around my mountain region.  Not a pretty site.  Always wear socks (even with sandals).  I know this is a fashion don't but walking barefoot on the nasty carpet that everyone else with bare feet have tread makes me break out in a rash and run for the Triactin.  Your jewelry should be carefully planned.  Real gold is the only way to go - it doesn't ring the bell.  Costume jewelry should be stored in a ziplock until you get through the scanner.   Make sure you put your laptop in a separate bin, this is also true of DVD players.  Half the airports will tell you that it isn't necessary, but just a sure as you don't they call you out on it.  Don't try to get through with liquid makeup, they will toss it.  They used to toss mascara, lipgloss in pots, any creams.  Now you should ziplock any liquid solid or otherwise under 3.4 oz. or they will strip search you.  Don't wear clothes with a lot of zippers or similar metal devices.  My 81 year old mother has to go through secondary because she had a hip replacement and rings the bell.  For most people this would be a pain in the ass, but she enjoys telling her surgery story in excrutiating detail to anyone who will listen.  Also she truly likes being searched - don't ask.

HAVE YOUR LICENSE AND BOARDING PASS OUT!  How many times do I have to get behind the two people in the world who don't know that and it takes ten minutes for them to find it after putting it away.  AAARGH! 

Don't try to line up in front of me, unless you are first class, handicapped, or have a seat/section they are announcing.  Southwest has finally stopped the craziness of lining up two hours prior to the flight by making you get an A,B or C time slot and lining up appropriately.  Even then people will try to squeeze in feigning ignorance.  Ignorant no, self serving - yes.  When storing your carry-on overhead don't crush my Coach bag with your avacado green Samsonite leftover from the early 60s.  Don't take your shoes off and allow me the pleasure of smelling your feet, keep your elbows on one armrest (each person gets one), don't crank up your Ipod so that I can hear your head banging music, don't bring  garlic fries on board for your snack (I personally made this mistake), and if you do use a DVD player select your movies carefully.  I don't want to watch "Girls Gone Wild".

Babies/children have a whole new set of rules unto themselves.  It would take too long to write about.  Short answer, bring something for your baby to drink, snack and play with.  Make sure their poopy diaper has been changed before boarding.  Don't let them kick the seat in front of them.  I love children and babies but until they are around 15 I think they should be crated and flown with the dogs and cats.  JUST KIDDING - NO LETTERS PLEASE (not really, I kind of mean it). 

When ordering drinks - don't spill on your neighbor, especially hot coffee.  If I'm reading or snoozing don't try to talk to me.  Don't put your blow up pillow on my seat and lean over to sleep.  I barely let my husband that close to me when I sleep, I certainly don't want you in my space. 

When the flight lands don't jump over me to get your stuff overhead.  We will all end up getting off within ten minutes of each other anyway.  When picking up a checked bag wait two seconds til it gets past me to pull it off the carrier.  I can't step back  because there are people directly behind me trying to lean in to retrieve theirs. 

Now for the extras:  More money to sit on the isle, window and exit row, more money to board before others, more money to check bags (ALOT more money), more money for drinks, snacks and boxed (yuk) lunches, more money for being overweight, more money for overweight luggage and now apparently, on one airline, more money to use the restroom.  I have a solution for that and it entails letting the flight crew clean up a mess on isle one.  How stupid can you get?  There has to be some human rights issues being trampled on there.

So if you can get through all that and still have luggage on the other end, and arrive semi-on time congratulations!  I'm thinking next time it might be fun to take the train.

WEEKEND REGRETS

I'm 58 years old, Italian, and blessed with people around me who love to cook, eat and drink.  I love all the wrong carbs; bread, pasta, potatoes...  We love to gather in the backyard start with margaritas, guacamole, chips, salsa, throw on a steak or ribs, open up some fabulous wines, put the Eagles on, and eat, drink and be merry. 

Today I suffer because we had such a day yesterday.  We have been trying to diet, we start out eating our healthy cereal in the morning, take our vitamins, etc.  By lunch we go to Burger King cause we are out and I love their hamburgers and, of course, french fries.  By supper we are firing up the grill.  To be fair I did fix some baby yellow squash and a salad but I ate way too much stuff while drinking wine prior to eating dinner.  That's when the trouble happens.  I don't know what happened to me but I am the lightest weight drinker ever.  My mother, son, husband, daughter-in-law and friends can all drink me under the table.  I drink two glasses of wine and I am impaired.  Three to four glasses and DO NOT LET ME USE SHARP UTENSILS!

So last night I drank too much.  Today I can't eat anything but crackers, I don't sleep well so I am way tired, and my stomach is singing a chorus of "Wipeout".  I am leaving on a trip tomorrow and trying to do laundry, pack, clean the house,  run errands, etc.  I am not doing any of those things well.  No telling what I have packed.  My husband is perky and hungry, I want to push him down.  He is working, eating, and exercising.  Blah.

Once again I say:  "I'M NEVER GOING TO DRINK AGAIN"! ...(at least until next weekend).

OH DOCTOR!

I was really fortunate today to be given Opening Day tickets to the Padres game.  My three friends and I got there late by my husbands baseball clock but we made it easily into the stadium before the first pitch.  It began to rain as we rode the escalator up to our section.  I thought this was a bad omen and more importantly I was having a good hair day and it was about to be ruined.

We made our way to our seats right after the National Anthem and the Marine flyby. My seat was very wet and dirty from the dust that had been there from the previous sunny, warm weather that we had been enjoying.  Thank goodness I am a good patron of Barona Resort and Casino because the hand wipes came in very handy to clean my seat.  Why did I decide to wear my white jacket? 

Just as the first batter for the Braves came to the plate the clouds parted and the sun came out.  Another omen?  As a matter of fact I believe it was.  The Pads came out to show off today and stir up the crowd.  They were up 1 zip by the end of the 3rd.  The 4th inning all hell broke loose.  They scored a record breaking 10 runs and I was in the gift shop when all this was going on.  Don't laugh you know I always need a new hooded sweatshirt (just in case it started to rain again).  Got back for the 5th and the fun continued.  They couldn't do anything wrong and frankly the Braves couldn't do anything right.

Final score 17 to 2.  It was fun to see the new talent, fun to see the 19 hits, fun to get free t-hirts, fun to see Tony Gwynn Jr. hit one off the wall, fun to see the optimism in the stadium and just a great day to be in San Diego and have some "fun under the sun".  Can't wait to take in more games. 

I learned some new tricks about the most direct and least congested way to get there, found a great parking lot and more importantly a secret eating spot you can go to before going into the stadium that's good, clean, fast and more importantly cheap.  Don't ask me where the eating spot is because I've been sworn to secrecy. 

So you go Padres, I'm ready for the season now, you've got me excited along with the rest of the stadium and I'm sure all the viewers watching on tv.  The next game is Wednesday so we get to bask in this glow for 1 1/2 days.   Keep up the good work (don't make me regret buying the new sweatshirt).

PLAY BALL!

BUZZ OFF

Couldn't resist.  Buzz Aldrin was eliminated from Dancing with the Stars tonight.  All I can say is there is mercy.  Poor old guy, American hero and all but between he and Mama mia (Kate Gosslin) I had to avert my eyes when they took their turn on the dance floor.  They really should have been eliminated together on the first night. 

The cast of this seasons show is terrible.  I like to watch this particular reality show but with every episode I have noticed they are "producing the reality" more and more.  Give me break, everyone is mad at their partners and are threatening to quit.  Quit ramping up the fake drama and just do what the show does best...put on outrageous costumes, hair and make-up and entertain.  As reality shows go this used to be one of the better ones without the degradation  that comes along with "The Bachelor", "Wife Swap", "The Nanny", "The Biggest Loser", "Hoarders", "The Housewives of..." "Little People", etc. (except when Heather Mills threw a leg - ok I made that up but you know you were waiting for that to happen).

Reality shows are quickly becoming too unrealistic.  This is the beginning of the end - mark my words.  These shows are a cheap way to put voyeuristic programming on the airwaves without investing much in the way of time, money, creativity or production.  The godfather of reality (Jerry Springer) allowed us to view the dirty laundry without getting arrested for tresspassing.  When Mark Burnett got into the game he raised the bar with "Survivor".  It became an instant hit as a summer replacement show and went on to become the most watched summer show of all time since the Sonny and Cher show.  It has been on the air since 1992 and has had sixteen successful seasons.

Even Jerry Seinfeld has gotten into the game.  "The Marriage Ref" uses the same format but is trying to use comedy and star power to push this one through.  It's difficult to watch and a waste of talent.  Is this where the talent goes if they can't get on Dancing With The Stars?

Reality tv has changed our viewing habits, vocabulary and water cooler discourse.  I think at first it was fun in a naughty, something different kind of way, but now its getting old, tired and not so real.

I am hoping that television finds the money to be able to write and produce real shows again.  I don't have much hope though when the main objective for most of the contestants/reality show personnel are only in it for their 15 minutes and a chance to make money once the show is over with appearances, books, a show of their own (rejects from the Bachelor/Bachelorette).  These people basically work for free in contrast to the millions, that say Charlie Sheen makes for "Two and a Half Men".

 The premium channels are doing a great job with well written/acted series. (Sopranos, True Blood, Dexter, In Treatment, Nurse Jackie, The Tudors, Weeds, Big Love, and many more)   Even some non-big four networks are producing some great award winning series i.e. "Mad Men" on AMC. 

There may be a place for all these venues to live happily together in tv land, but I for one long for the good ole days of watching great shows with great writing and great acting.  If that is too much to ask then "vote me off the island". 

VANITY FAIR?

I think not.  Salacious, base, perverse, sell-out.  What happened to the high class magazine that was about and for real women?  Are you kidding me?  Putting Tiger Wood's bimbos (nicest word I can use) in this magazine with a intro on the cover and  treating them to a photo shoot where they were dressed, given expert hair and makeup people and posed in a professional way digusts me  I'm sure they were treated like royalty.  Why?  Isn't that what the "Enquirer" and the "Star" are for?  Vanity Fair has fallen from grace and put themselves in the same category as celebrity rag.  The story inside is secondary to what the cover is all about.

The sisterhood should rise up and not buy this trash.  There is no good that can be accomplished by continuing to keep these women in the news.  It hurts his wife, children and the game of golf.  I am sick and tired of "the Tiger Woods women" getting more than their 15 minutes of fame.  Asking for apologies - are you kidding me?  When did bad behavior need to be rewarded with apologies?  No one is ever reponsible because they are "victims".  Bulls--t!  They all knew what they were doing and gave no thought to what they might be doing to a real woman and her family.  Trust me, I don't blame just them, Tiger is one of the biggest jerks ever and he deserves all the bad things that can happen to him now.  But that doesn't give a free pass to the women who were part of the freak show.

I have a real problem when women do bad things to other women.  It's hard enough being a woman and taking care of a husband, children, family and finally ourselves.  I know we have come a long way since the "burning bra" days, but we still have alot of battles to fight.  Sleeping with another woman's husband should never be tolerated and at the very least rewarded.  I rage about women perpetuating our "lower class status" by continuing to do things (porn, stripping, escorting, etc.) that degrade the nature of our gender.  We will never be taken seriously or treated equally until this behavior stops.

I know this blog doesn't really reach many people (yet) but I ask that you to not support Vanity Fair or any other periodical or medium that treats women in such a disrespectful way.

"I FEEL THE EARTH MOVE UNDER MY FEET..." Carole King

Oh San Diego, everyone wants to live here.  There is good reason for that.  We are "America's Finest City", we have the best weather, beautiful beaches, mountains for skiing, a variety of ethnic cuisine, best parks, museums, and the best zoo.  We are in close proximity to Disneyland and Hollywood without having to live in Los Angeles.  We  have some very fine wineries and you no longer have to drive to Las Vegas to go to a casino.  You can plan picnics, outdoor weddings, or any outdoor activity and know that 99% of time you are going to have a sunny day.  (99% may be a bit high, just making a point).

So how then do we keep everyone from moving here?  Our dirty little secret is:  EARTHQUAKE, FIRE, MUDSLIDES.  Yesterday was Easter and at 3:40 pm PST we were watching tv and getting ready to go to the movies.  Just as I was putting my laptop away the house started rumbling.  I looked at my husband, who was on the phone with his mother in Oklahoma, and mouthed "earthquake".  We sat for a moment waiting for it to pass as it normally does after a few seconds, but it kept building in intensity. We then decided not to stay in the house and went back out on the back patio where the quake turned into a rock and rolling type movement.  It seemed to go on and on and it was actually difficult to walk.  We found out later that it indeed lasted approximately 45 seconds.  It was 7.2 in strength which is .2 larger than the Haitian quake.  It was centered in Mexico near our border.  The aftershocks have continued throughout the night and at times were quite intense.  They say that we can expect another 6 pointer sometime in the next six months. 

We were lucky, no damage to the house other than some crooked pictures, but after just putting the house back together when a burst pipe destroyed virtually the front part of our home, I can tell you I was very scared. 

We have managed to sidestep the fires, (even when our own canyon was burning), mudslides when the hill we live on was washing away and now the earthquake.  We feel very fortunate to be able to live in San Diego but there is a price to pay once in awhile.  These are the times we hear  from our friends and family on the east coast who say "how could you live in a place with earthquakes".  To be fair, they probably call because my husband is notorious for making calls to people in the middle of winter when we are drinking margaritas in December on our patio in eighty degree weather, and he knows they are having "the snow storm of the century".

So now that you know that if something seems to good to be true...but knowing that we may have to battle the occasional earthquake, fire or mudslide, there is only one thing to say, and Dorothy said it best - "There is no place like San Diego" err I mean "home".