Yes the time has finally come that all 50 somethings dread - the colonoscopy. I have put it off for years sighting problems with moving, not having a doctor, "they checked it when I had my appendectomy", etc. but, I couldn't get around it anymore when a good friend of mine was diagnosed with colon cancer last year. She has gone through her year of colonoscopies, chemo, nasua, all the usual stuff very bravely. I am pleased to say that she is clear of the cancer but she has also been a pain in my ass until I finally sheduled my procedure.
Two days before the procedure I was directed to only eat, white bread, white rice, potatoes (no skin), white pasta, chicken, pork or fish. That was no problem, no one loves carbs better than I do.
One day before the procedure is THE CLEANOUT! THIS is where I have the problem. You must drink the most awful liquid imaginable. They prescribed the "easy stuff" for me and you get to pay extra for it. It tastes like ocean salt water gelatin with a hint of lemon. Yummy. Also on this day you can drink only clear liquids along with the ocean water. Why didn't I eat that bowl of pasta last night at midnight?
I prepared the first of two liters of poop cleanse for my 3:00 pm feeding. They will tell you to refrigerate it ahead of time because cold is easier to gag down than warm. The first round I drank through a straw and drank it almost in one fell swoop. I was very pleased with myself until the nasua hit. Only 3 more rounds (every 15 minutes) to go. Every 15 minutes? You literally can't get it down in that time. I tried putting it in a frozen mug and chilling it, gulping it, sipping it, standing in the sun, sitting down, meditation, hypnosis, holding my nose, eyes open, eyes closed, and on and on. Bottom line, it all sucks.
Now I am in my four hour reprieve before the next liter. During this four hours I am suppose to drink more clear liquids and take a ducolax. Ducolax? What - just in case the poop cleanse doesn't work? Well it does!! As soon as I finished my fourth glass of the first liter I was running (not walking) to the bathroom.
I am 2 1/2 hours after my last dose with and hour and a half to go and there is nothing left to give. All systems are clear. Why the second dose? Are you looking for my intestines to fly out of my ass so you can look at them in person?
I want a hamburger and french fries and I want them now!
The four hours is up and it is time for the second liter. My plan works pretty well with the frozen mug and the straw. I make it all the way to the end (spilling a few ounces here and there) while sipping white cranberry juice in between. Sound the bells I am done with the worse part. Now just let it do its thing, try not to eat and go in tomorrow.
I will continue this tomorrow after the procedure, in the mean time have a piece of pepperoni pizza for me, or a cracker or popcorn - oh my kingdom for some popcorn.
Morning of -- waiting for my husband to get ready. What do you wear to one of these? I do know that maybe Depends might be a good idea at this point. More later.
Got to the hospital early. Everyone is extremely nice. Blood pressure right on, all systems go. The best part a warm blanket over your hospital gown while you are waiting. The doctor comes in and tells you what is going to happen. All I really hear is drugs, and you won't feel a thing.
They are right, it was very easy and no pain involved. Before I knew it I was in the car directing my husband to the nearest Carls Jr. for a mushroom and swiss burger and fries. (The nurse told me to eat something easy for my first meal). We get home, I try to turn off our house alarm and in my drugged up stupor miss a few numbers. If you have ever witnessed my husband and our house alarm this was a very amusing moment.
I ate every morsel. Then I fell asleep on and off all afternoon. Oh, by the way, the report was all clean and clear and "we'll see you in eight years". Hopefully in eight years someone can improve the cleanse from hell potion you must drink for this procedure.
How can we put a man on the moon and not be able to improve that stuff. I am going to begin my new invention of chocolate peanutbutter shake colon cleanse and will become weathly and the most beloved citizen of the world.
Happy Eating!!
We have had an exciting summer so far. Beginning in early June, as you know, we went to Las Vegas where I played in the World Series of Poker. That was followed up by a visit from our son and daughter-in-law. We began our adventure as we normally do by enjoying San Diego in all of our favorite haunts and eateries. We then went to the Padre game on the 4th of July, a departure from our usual 4th of July in Coronado, and then left there that evening for our expedition to Napa Valley.
We drove the first evening to Ventura County, which turned out to be the perfect time to leave while everyone was off the road enjoying fireworks. The three of us played a car bingo game for 3 hours. The driver, my husband, never plays games but enjoys giving answers when he is not supposed too. During home games of Trivial Pursuit and the like, he will be in another room voicing answers inappropriately much to the chagrin of the players.
We stopped over the first night and began our trek to Monterey the next morning. Our first stop in Monterey was a winery which is my personal favorite for Chardonney's called Talbot. You may have heard of the family they make clothes as well. We had a great tasting there and then went to our fabulous hotel on Cannery Row overlooking the ocean. Simply beautiful. We ate dinner in the hotel that evening and got up the next morning for our next leg to Napa.
We made Napa by 1:30ish, checked into the Napa Valley Lodge, and struck out immediately for some wine tasting. We went to about five wineries and then went back to the hotel to change for our remarkable dinner at the famous Buchon. Buchon did not disappoint. We had several courses of everything. By the end of the meal (which was our son's birthday) we were bursting at the seams. Food to die for and I literally thought I might.
The next day we visited more wineries and the Napa Olive Oil Company. Fantastic little old garage (which has been featured on the food network) converted into their sales office for the finest olive oil in California. We also stopped at the CIA (culinary school) and toured and shopped. We then headed out for a fabulous lunch to my personal favorite, Mustards. I always get the Mongolian porkchop and the onion rings. Bobby Flay even featured the Mongolian chops on "the Best Thing I Ever Ate" on the food network. I could literally die a happy camper after that meal.
Finished the day with more wineries (I am the designated driver) and drove to my mother's in Sacramento to spend the next two evenings before returning to San Diego. Mom's house highlighted chicken marsala cooked by grandma Rose and the next day we went to Guy Fieri's restaurant, Tex Wasabi. We played a two day game of dealer's choice poker which was fun, except for one non player watching PBS in the other room. At least he couldn't call out any answers.
Back to San Diego and three days later they were gone.
You may think the adventure ends there, but as we were dropping off our son and daughter-in-law we were picking up my sister-in-law and two nieces. They actually overlapped by 5 minutes.
For the last week we have been on a San Diego harbor cruise, Coronado beach and shopping, (they went to Seaworld without me (exhaustion was setting in)), North Island Officers Club pool, Seaport Village, San Diego Wild Animal Park, Carlsbad Outlet Mall to go especially to COACH, out to eat several times and finally to a nail salon for mannies and peddies. Everyone had a great time.
On Tuesday of this week everyone left. My husband off to Washington D.C., my sister-in-law and nieces back to Oklahoma.
This month has been fun and filled to the brim. Our home has been remodeled with family in mind. The large kitchen is the center of love and creativity, especially when we have guest chefs (son, daughter-in-law, mother). Everyone loves to be in there. The "Hotel California" bedroom has two queens (non-smoking) and is already cleaned and made up for the next family or friends who come to visit. Our home since 1985 continues to give us pleasure and memories that have been shared with all that are dear to us.
Today, with a quiet house and no one play with, I head off to my little playground. Can you guess? It's called Barona Valley Ranch Resort & Casino. I will relax, play and say hi to some friends I haven't seen in awhile.
Until next time, I apologize for being away from the blog for so long, but as you can see, I've been busy(bee).
Happy Summer.
